It took me a
long time to decide that going to medical school was the right decision for my
life.
I was concerned
that I would not be a strong enough student, that the work would induce the crippling
anxiety I had previously experienced, or that I would miss out on my twenties
by being in school forever. I hesitated if the cost would be worth it.
Yesterday, I had
a short conversation with a friend who had walked me through the journey of my
deciding on medicine. They simply asked how school was, in light of other
circumstances I had told them about. I answered honestly and without hesitation
that school is good, absolutely where I am supposed to be—a lot of work, but
worth it.
It only dawned
on me about an hour after that conversation how far I had come since the last
time I saw that person—when I was holding so tightly to so many fears. This is
the outcome of years of hesitation, uncertainty, tears, and ultimately, faith. It
amazes me that even being surrounded by so much material, planning to wake up
at 5AM to go study, and not knowing when I’d get to go sleep again, that I could
answer honestly and truly: I do believe this is so worth it and
absolutely where I am supposed to be.
“For God has
not given us a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and sound judgement.” 2
Timothy 1:7
I could tell
you firsthand about how short life is and how uncertain it is what tomorrow
might hold, but as I have said in previous blog posts—it is impossible for us
to live like we are dying. We must move forward and live, making plans and
allowing ourselves to have dreams that might not seem impossible to accomplish. For anything is possible through Christ who strengthens me! (Philippians 4:13)
So, I am
grateful I choose the long haul. I am grateful I get to study the human body
with all its intricacies and too many interleukins (Host Defense Exam Monday!!).
I am hopeful I will finish year one of medical school strong, looking forward
to three more so I can receive the two capitals behind my name to signify the
path God directed me to: M.D.
Seek Him First,
for He knows the plans he has for you.
“Such is the
confidence we have through Christ before God. It is not that we are competent
in ourselves to claim anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is
from God.” 2 Corinthians 3:4-5
