It has been a great two weeks here in Bolivia, and I cannot believe that I am half way through my time. God has been very present here and teaching me things about thankfulness, my selfishness, and the will of God. This trio, I have found, are intimately linked together.
In coming here, I had been working through a devotional on thankfulness in which thankfulness is portrayed as the gateway to joy through grace. The writer of this devotional challenges the reader to record 1000 things that they are thankful for-- one thousand gifts that God has given. In reading through this, I have become more conscious of the small moments that deserve thanks: the dishes because we have food, the roof over my head, parents that walk me all the way in the airport and to security, the helpless baby in the hospital that grabs my finger, etc. In looking at life from the lens of thankfulness, you are free to find true contentment, peace and joy in all situations. This simple discipline has amazed me and brought me through the long, thirty six hour journey to get here, my sickness this past week, and enabled me to approach each day with awe of God's power. We have been able to run four free clinics with the help of locals, hang out with and take care of the many orphans, and fellowship with the other Americans that God has guided here. In and through all of these moments, I have seem blessings, grace, and found unexplainable joy.
The tug of war comes into play, however, with selfishness. This is something that God has reveled to me within the past few days, the way in which my attitudes and desire to further myself can distract and distance me from the embrace of the arms of grace. It was interesting because the realization came when I was sick. While selfishness is obviously a result of the fall, I have come to notice the way in which it pulls us away from thankfulness and, ultimately, directs us away from the will of God. One of the main questions I approached this trip with was about my future and wondering God's direction. In recognizing the way that my selfishness misdirects me, blinds me to the blessings of the moment, and causes me to hurt rather than love those around me, I have been more free to choose to change that attitude, look for thankfulness and rest in the will of God.
Therefore, the will of God is hidden in selfishness but revealed in thankfulness. Through counting the blessings of God and resting in that which he has already provided, the direction of his will seems to come clear. I know the tug of war will not be easily disentangled from, but the awareness of its influence in my life will enable me, through the grace, to better follow and understand the perfect will of Christ.
am grateful that I still have two more weeks in this place. God is so good.
