2015

I can only remember actually following through with one of my past New Year’s resolutions. I think it was doable for me because it came with a pre-set, this-is-what-you-do-everyday-guide. The planner in me loved it. This year, with four days left in the year, I started thinking about the year…wanting to change the way I approach this transition from one year to the next.

This time of the year is full of competing voices. From stores and commercials we hear, constantly, how deserving we are of BEST thing and nothing can compare until we have that thing. We hear from our feelings as we receive what we desire or don’t, encounter family that we only see at this time of year, and losses are felt deeper at this time of the year. From our hearts come the desire to give and at church we hear of the baby who’s birth allows for the celebration of the holiday that ushers in the dawn of grace.

Who will we listen to?

This next year holds my last full year at Westmont. It holds many decisions, changes in living situations, huge exams, and deepening relationships. The big thing that has been on my mind this break as I sit home, post Christmas, contemplating the coming year and its emotions, is—

Who am I living for?

Over the years I have seen God take on the different roles that I have needed for the happenings of my life—from savior to parent to fighter to protector to comforter to provider, etc. He has always been the one who I could rely on, the one who held my future, who knew my every thought and desire. As I begin to feel the anxiety that plagues me in peering into next year, I bring back to my mind the fact that my Shepherd has already passed before me.

He is present with me here, he knows what I am going to face, and he will be there.

In moving into those decisions, exams, changes, and relationships, I want to make my goal for the next year to remember whom I am doing all of those things for. I want to be living for and giving my all for the glory of God. I want to place my life in His hands. He knows what the next year holds. All the joys and sorrows, successes and failings, decisions and changes—he is fully in control of it all.

I pray that as you set goals for the coming year you would remember the saving grace that we have to rely on because of the gift of a baby boy 2,000 years ago. Listen to the guidance in his will and choose to live 2015 for Him.

If you fear change, give it to Him

As some one who longs for adventure and desires to make my life have a story worth hearing about, I sure am resistant to change. I know that I am really good at being somewhere—once the change has happened and the dust settles. However, the anticipation of changing, loosing someone (even for a short time), or moving anywhere fills me with dread. I am working on learning how to embrace and long for change, because taking that leap into the unknown is often more rewarding in the long run.

This year has been a huge year of change. Some of the important people in my life have moved or left for various programs or schooling. Also, I have chosen to travel and explore new sites. Through each decision to move and do something, it was uncomfortable, but if I had chosen not to move, I would have significantly missed out. Through each moment of change; saying goodbye to old friends and welcoming in new ones, I have dared to be thankful instead of holding on to fear. Remaining fully in the present so as to remember, and even prove, God true in his promise to be with me, always. I am reminded that the perfect love of Christ casts out all fear (1 John 4:18). 

One of my favorite authors, Ann Voskamp, writes: “All fear is but the notion that God’s love ends. Did you think that I [God] end, that I will not be enough”? God offers to us his perfect love—and promises that it will never end. I remain confident in this—in every season, through every change, you are still God, and I will see His goodness.

Lord God, remind me that all fear is but the notion that your love somehow ends. You never end; our God is always infinite and enough. Today let me walk unafraid. Your endless love ends all my fears (One Thousand Gifts). God thank you that your love, your promises, and your grace direct us in to the unknown. You drive and we hang on. Earthly fears have no bound in the face of your relentless, pursuing, disarming love. Wrap me up in that and never let me fall. Help me to grow in  my dependance on you. Thank you for saving me from myself. God of wonders, thank you for blessing me.

Embrace the change and hold fast to God as he directs you through the wild ride of life. Live in the present and head into the unknown; confident that your guide knows the way.

The Tug of War

It has been a great two weeks here in Bolivia, and I cannot believe that I am half way through my time. God has been very present here and teaching me things about thankfulness, my selfishness, and the will of God. This trio, I have found, are intimately linked together.

In coming here, I had been working through a devotional on thankfulness in which thankfulness is portrayed as the gateway to joy through grace. The writer of this devotional challenges the reader to record 1000 things that they are thankful for-- one thousand gifts that God has given. In reading through this, I have become more conscious of the small moments that deserve thanks: the dishes because we have food, the roof over my head, parents that walk me all the way in the airport and to security, the helpless baby in the hospital that grabs my finger, etc. In looking at life from the lens of thankfulness, you are free to find true contentment, peace and joy in all situations. This simple discipline has amazed me and brought me through the long, thirty six hour journey to get here, my sickness this past week, and enabled me to approach each day with awe of God's power. We have been able to run four free clinics with the help of locals, hang out with and take care of the many orphans, and fellowship with the other Americans that God has guided here. In and through all of these moments, I have seem blessings, grace, and found unexplainable joy.

The tug of war comes into play, however, with selfishness. This is something that God has reveled to me within the past few days, the way in which my attitudes and desire to further myself can distract and distance me from the embrace of the arms of grace. It was interesting because the realization came when I was sick. While selfishness is obviously a result of the fall, I have come to notice the way in which it pulls us away from thankfulness and, ultimately, directs us away from the will of God. One of the main questions I approached this trip with was about my future and wondering God's direction. In recognizing the way that my selfishness misdirects me, blinds me to the blessings of the moment, and causes me to hurt rather than love those around me, I have been more free to choose to change that attitude, look for thankfulness and rest in the will of God.

Therefore, the will of God is hidden in selfishness but revealed in thankfulness. Through counting the blessings of God and resting in that which he has already provided, the direction of his will seems to come clear. I know the tug of war will not be easily disentangled from, but the awareness of its influence in my life will enable me, through the grace, to better follow and understand the perfect will of Christ.

  am grateful that I still have two more weeks in this place. God is so good.

Restored, Redeemed, Established, and Strengthened

One year ago today my Aunt was freed from the cancer that had entrapped and burdened her for the past two years. She received her new and healthy body and was reunited with the God who had her name written on his hand, because she believed in and relied on Him. She is now fully restored and redeemed.

There is incredible hope that can come from the realization that she is not here; she is in Paradise! God makes it known numerous times in the Bible that there is a life after this one. His intention from the beginning was to make creation “good”… but not yet perfect. This good creation was susceptible to fail, and fail it did, big time. Now we have cancer, and pain, and of course, death. But death was never intended to be the ultimate end for us!! Because God loved US… his fickle, corruptible, creation, he sent Jesus—who was fully God and fully human—to go before us into death and establish a new covenant. Through the hope of Christ we are redeemed, restored, established and strengthened in righteousness. The ultimate hope comes when we die—then we will be WITH our maker for the rest of time!

Death can be the most complicated thing in life, or the most simple. It is the inevitable end, but can also come at any moment. Whether we are prepared or comes suddenly, the loss is felt the same. We try to deal with death and it perplexes us and can scare us. We write songs to “live like you were dying” but we cannot possibly live as if tomorrow was our last day because WE ARE ALIVE. We have commitments to attend to and opportunities to use our lives for amazing things.

            I believe that our time here on earth has a purpose. I believe that each moment we have in our lives can be used to impact the greater world as a whole. The Apostle Paul longed for death because he would be WITH Jesus forever! But Paul also realized that he was blessed with his time here on earth, and he lived with the purpose of telling as many people as possible about the love that Jesus has for them despite everything in their lives. Paul could do this so well because he had been the worst of the worst—in his early life, he had murdered, he had authorized persecutions, and he had an intense hatred for Jesus Christ. It was not until Paul had lost something that was vital to him that he was able to more fully see and understand the love and grace that Jesus had for him.

Anyone is capable of a change. Jesus loves everyone despite all of the mess that can come in life. We all have our messes, and big or small, they look the same in the eyes of Christ. Our time here is very short. Any day could be the end of anyone of us. Make today and all the moments to come meaningful. Love the people close to you, enjoy these moments, and seek fully after God.